The First WIll Be Last

This morning I have been wrestling with the passage where Peter asks Jesus what he and the other disciples will receive since they have left everything to follow Jesus. And Jesus tells him that everyone who has left everything to follow will receive much more in the life to come. But he also says that many who appear to be first in this life will be last in the life to come.

A couple of thoughts come to mind...

• I don't like to think about the correlation between what I am leaving behind to the reward I will receive. I'd much rather sacrifice little and receive a lot. Why doesn't it work that way?
• I am a very here and now kind of person. Eternal rewards are not terribly motivating for me. Most of the time, I'd rather take the temporary rewards and accolades than to hold off for the rewards later on.
• It would be very easy for me to gain a sense of entitlement (and it seems like Peter kind of has that thinking as well). I have sacrificed...so I DESERVE to be rewarded. If the only reason I'm doing what I'm doing is in order to be rewarded and appreciated, I've already missed the point.
• It would also be very easy for me to work very hard to appear humble and sacrificial and to make sure that I let everyone know how much I have given up so that I seem to be "last" so that eventually I can be "first". But isn't letting people know how hard I'm working for Jesus just another way of attempting to be "first", which means I've already received all of the rewards that I'm going to get.
• In order to be truly "last" in this life, I think I have to give up any attempt or desire to be "first" or to gain rewards for my efforts. I think I have to attempt to follow Jesus simply because it is a better way and not for anything that I could gain for myself. I think I have to follow him in sacrifice and follow him in death simply out of love for God and love for others, and not in any way out of love for myself.